Sour worms anyone? by Ofentse Melato

Growing up, didn’t you think gum was the most magical thing ever? It was hard, shaped and sweet when you unwrap it and kept oozing this wet sweetness that mixed perfectly with your saliva keeps your jaws working it. You can blow it out, pop it but can’t lock it and suck it all back in. Best of all, it was cheap. You could buy it with any change, whether yours or your parents. Even if they beat the black out of you later for spending their change, it would have been worth it. You had your sweet gum baby… but then it got bland, lumpy and sticky with absolutely no flavour. It’s at that point where it makes you hungry like a mo-fo. That’s the standard thought for an average Joe when you speak about the opposite sex.

Now, before you stone me, excuse my discrimination for only taking a heterosexual male view on heterosexual females. I’m not yet properly wired enough for homosexuality sensitivity so lets keep it single dimensional for now, opposite sex not same sex. My views on sensitivity and homosexuality are a topic for another day, I promise.

Back to that gum, the problem with this average Joe view is that it implies a bitter ending to a sweet start as a given and any man with half a brain knows that “with women, expect the unexpected……always”. It’s for this reason that I can’t co-sign that sweet-bitter view. How can I co-sign such when I love women so much? Why do I love them? They are the paprika to our rice whether we want it or not. You are probably thinking ‘can’t live with them, can’t live without them’ by now and you are right. However, there’s more.

Do you like sour worms? I do! Mushy, slim and lanky while sour like hell but I can’t get enough. One after the other, I keep reaching for more. My tongue would be burning and screaming to get rid of the taste yet I would have my d**k hard for more sour worms. That’s how addictive and destructive the opposite sex can be. The eccentric attraction they ooze that keeps us chasing after them can make a grown ass man dial a number just at 2am on a random Wednesday to ask “hey, are you sleeping?” It takes some special p**** to do such, and little more whiskey than usual but we have all pulled that silly mid-morning/night call like someone would be up at 2am waiting for you to holla? That’s the sour worm thing. You try every trick to set yourself free of this nagging goose you are with, gain your freedom, be single only to spend the rest of your nights juggling between trying to get addicted to the next one while fighting cravings of the previous one. From being infuriated with her to her barking “pull my hair ni**a, pull my motherf***ing hair!!” It’s just in our DNA to have the repulsive side to us towards each other but have that attraction that we can’t escape.

Remember how as kids we were told that the one you like the most is the one you will keep fighting with? We actually never grew out of that because deep inside, we get frustrated by not being fully in control of choosing who we love from the opposite sex. What’s worse is that we can’t always pin point what exactly is it that we love about them but we always know what we can’t stand about them. I tell you man, it’s those sour worms. They are bitter but sweet, repulsive but addictive. Almost like that itch at the back of your throat that makes your ear itch and they both keep popping up. Rude as it sounds, it is true that the power of the opposite sex means we are born bloody and screaming out of a woman only to spend the rest of our lives trying all sorts of tricks to get back inside one. They are a gift and a curse, the cause and the cure, the bitter and the sweet. They are the balance our rowdy self needs. They are our sour worms, man.

And you know what’s the best thing about sour worms?

If you eat just the right amount of them, they make the opposite sex’s cl** taste like heaven when you give cunnilingus. But that is a different version of the same story and all versions are true. Till we converse again but for now, this is my view of the opposite sex.

*As I lick more these sour worms*

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