A Game On Throne by theBoy Thosh

“Don’t just sit there, do something … and don’t do s***, be the s***
– Anonymous”

Ladies and Gentlemen, you are now watching the throne … discussion. I say this because I want to discuss the most underrated moment in a young man’s life: Sitting on the throne.

Being a regular 20-something year old, I enjoy the movement from down below every morning between 7:30 am and 8:30 am. This has been constant for the last 6 years, except for a few traffic jams and postponed appointments. I am generally as regular as it gets.

I once thought of using cheat codes such as morning coffee, cigarettes or even playing the “brown note” from my phone, but as I matured and understood how my body functions. I realised a regular dosage of water is like picking up a power-up everytime. Yes people, water help you s***, and water helps that s*** disappear from your life … unless of course you’re a firm believer in the Flying Toilets Initiative.

Apart from water, there are other things that can help you shed the load, or at least pass enough time while you attempt to. I love to pass the time with my favorite activities:

• Obviously can’t cook or eat while in there, but I do reminisce on what past palatables are affecting my current experience.

• Newspaper-reading is awesome because politics irritate the crap out of me.

• Watching a movie or tv-series is only possible if the moving pictures displayed on the screen are comfortably viewable when I leave the throne room door open. Bringing the laptop with is too much work.

• Playing PS3, but again only possible if (see above point).

• Social media activities? Yes. Though I may be at my most vulnerable state with my pants down, I’m also at my most creative! #TweetWhileYouSh!t → #Shweet™

• Blogging … yes, like this post right here … now let the picture stink in ← gerrit?

• Mobile Gaming!

“The one place you can drive while on your phone is while you’re on the throne!”

The throne room is the one place I seem to consistently get a high-score, or pass a level on any game on my hand-held. It’s a gamer’s bonus level where everything just works out perfectly. If you’ve been cursing your phone out of frustration while playing Angry Birds, Temple Run, Fruit Ninja, Candy Crush or Flappy Bird, try playing it while you sit on the loo. Trust me. It’s like the perfect posture for getting things done. And the double fulfillment of casting out thy inner demons as well as progressing to the next stage will keep you happy all day long.

But there is something you should watch out for when you decide to embark on a “Game of Thrones”:

• Mavi’s Law: When you sit and do more than s***, s*** happens.

Your business usually takes up to 5-10 minutes, and then add an extra 5 minutes for extra-curricular activities. But you can end up spending an hour due to the distraction that comes from these hand-held devices. When you finally realise you’ve been there for too long, you develop Memory Lapses. You remember you were in a rush to go somewhere, but you forget that you actually dropped the kids at school. This is usually followed by a state of panic where you fish with your eyes for signs of crap. Woe unto you, if your s*** swished through the plumbing without a trace. This will leave you with catch-22 on whether to stay or leave the throne.

Play smart people!