My neighbour woke up to a wild scare today. Seems one of the boys who have been giving it to her, might have put her in the family way. I want you to picture this scene.

Me, on one side of the fence, hanging my clothes out to dry. And she, on the other, seated on a bucket. Looking glumly at her phone, fingers dancing over the buttons as she considers how to breaking the news to the boy concerned. Now, my neighbour is a looker. It might be that we’ve been neighbours a while but she has that girl next door thing down on pat. Also she has that glint in her eye, like she’s daring you to make a move on her; see if her exterior is just a facade. Anyway, cutting to the chase. I’m standing there, wet clothe half raised to the line, looking at her stupefied. She, to her credit, looks back at me, daring me to judge her. A few minutes pass like this before I find my words and haltingly make a stupid joke. Something like, “Aha…er…maybe…maybe they’re just trolling you.

Your period’s a-mean.” *mind face palm*

Meanwhile, in my head, running parallel but opposite to my stupid one-liners are my stupid solutions to the situation. Foremost being, I could marry her. I could say it’s mine and everyone would believe me. After all, we’re seen together constantly. I could save her. At this point, the rational part of my brain hit the back of my head so forcefully, it was almost physical. Get a grip nigga! She’ll say NO! I mean look at her and look at you. Even lost as she is right now, she looks way more with it than you do when everything’s going your way. You sissy! You’re hanging clothes! In your slippers! With your ugly in amsterdam amsterdam Toes out! Don’t do it! SHE’LL SAY NO!

She looks up.
“Er, I’ve been thinking…”
“Well, if it doesn’t work out with that guy…I could be its father…”
Everything went quiet for a minute. I still had my wet vest in my hands dripping all over my pajama trouser. She looked at me so fiercely. I thought I’d done something wrong. All I wanted was to get out of the friend zone. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was so caught up in my thoughts I almost missed what she was saying.
“Maybe. Why would you do that?”
“I like you.”
“Like me how?”
“Why are you interrogating me? I just proposed!”
“Yeah, you did and that scares me.”
“Wha…why? I’m I that hideous?”
“No. It’s just…I’ve never thought of you that way…”I just looked at her.
I mean c’mon! Even pregnant, she’s too good for me? Anyway, I finally walked out of the stiffly out of the backyard, with whatever little dignity I could muster.

She didn’t try to stop me I probably looked a comical sight, huffing away in worn slippers bucket in hand.


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